Always Trailing After Never Ever
by Lumei
Summary: WARNING- Yullen. First Attempt. Be afraid. Kanda goes against his will, his conscience, his rationalzation. He fights for it, protects it, and somehow, never gets the prize. He's won everything else, except for the thing that mattered most. Allen Walker.
1. Running with the Weights

Allen trailed the forest, sweat beading at his forehead. The incline of the mountain seemed to push him farther back, but being the leader of the trail he had to push on. His boots crunched the leaves beneath him and Tim swarmed around his head, trying to keep him cool. The hot, humid hair made him dehydrated and tired…but he couldn't stop climbing. If he stopped, everyone else would stop, and then they would be behind schedule and out of sync. He pulled back his hair into what looked like a 'tail' to try to get it off of his neck. Pushing off of a rock and onto higher ground, Allen helped Lenalee up the incline.

"Are you okay, Allen?" Lenalee huffed, still holding onto his hand. "You look really," she took a moment to breathe, "really tired."

"Yeah," Allen replied, trying to keep his breath under control so that she wouldn't notice. "I'm fine. Y'know, I used to climb up exotic mountains all the time when I was with Master Cross, and we used to-"

Suddenly, Kanda pushed off from the rock and broke Allen and Lenalee's grasp, cutting right into the conversation. "Can it, Beansprout." He sneered, pushing on ahead. "I'm not goanna be late because of your stupid nostalgia." Lavi followed behind and shrugged towards Allen.

"I think he's having another one of his 'moods'" he assured, following Kanda. Allen glared at Kanda, who was now leading the trail instead of him, and followed behind Lavi. _That retarded imbecile! _He thought, thinking that he had totally owned Kanda with his choice of words. Sadly, he didn't. Not that he had said it though…

But, somehow, there was something funny about how Kanda broke into the conversation. When he did, he took Lenalee's hand and slapped it off of Allen's. He made it look like he just pushed through it. Allen caught it thought, and didn't stop wondering the whole way back to the Black Order…

A week later, Allen sat down for lunch, bringing over the huge tray as he usually did towards the lunch table where Lavi and Lenalee sat. Oddly, Kanda was sitting down with them, but a little to the side away from Lavi. Lavi and Lenalee were having a great time and laughing together, just like any other day. Allen sat down suspiciously. Why was Kanda sitting here?

"..so then I was like, 'What do you mean, _I'm a rat?_ I'm a _bookman!_" Lavi exclaimed, wheezing out in laughter. Lenalee held her mouth as she broke out of laughter as well, holding onto the table for support. Allen didn't get the joke as much as Lenalee did, but he smiled in amusement. It was always interesting to hear one of Lavi's stories. Taking a huge bite out of some meat rolls, Allen sat down and listened intently.

"Oh, Allen!" Lenalee chimed, excited that he arrived. A certain light beamed in her eyes. Allen blushed a little, but hid it in his napkin as he wiped some sauce off of his face. Lavi caught on and smiled.

"You missed the whole story, man!" he said, holding the table. "It was when I was Prague! The old mad was going on about chips and shit, and it was _hilarious!_" Allen nodded, pretending like he understood the hilarity in the situation. Lavi just sat back down and took a breath, catching some air from all the excitement. Lenalee waited for Lavi to calm back down before she spoke.

"So, where were you Allen?" she asked, in her sweet natural tone. Allen's chest grew a bit hot. Her voice was like the fluffiest piece of cheesecake he had ever eaten. He smiled and looked back down at his food. "You're not usually late for lunch."

"Head Advisor Komui needed me for something." He said in it a nonchalant tone. "Just something trivial." He took another bite of a hamburger, eating a quarter of it and swallowing it whole. Lenalee didn't mind and pressed on further.

"Something trivial?" she asked, tilting her head to the side. She wasn't one to pester, so Lavi did it for her.

"What something trivial?" Lavi pestered, his 'something-secret-that-I-need-to-know' senses picking up. Kanda sat to the side silently.

"Well…"Allen began, glancing towards Kanda. He didn't even look up from his soba, which he was almost halfway done with. Allen glanced back at Lavi and looked back at Kanda, giving him the "First-why-the-heck-is-he-here" look. Lavi 'ahhed' and nudged Kanda.

"Yu here is here because he said the table that he usually sat at was getting repainted." Allen looked behind him 40 tables behind, where Kanda sat, and saw a huge "FRESH PAINT- Do Not Touch" sign on it. The place was packed, too. Kanda didn't have much of a choice.

"Don't," Kanda started, clenching his fists and stiffening his back. "ever, call me by my first name!" Kanda hissed, violently. Lavi backed a little, scared by Kanda. Kanda just gave him a glare and stared back down at his soba.

"Oh? No grabbing me by the shirt? No punching me in the gut?" Lavi looked closer at Kanda. He grabbed his chopsticks and shoved it in Lavi's face.

"I'm being merciful today. Just be glad I don't shove these down your throat."

Lavi backed away even more and finished his food quietly. Lenalee, rolling her eyes and wishing they would all just shut up, continued eating her food quietly, and Allen sat there angry.

Kanda messed up their lunch! They were all happy, laughing and getting along, and Kanda just had to mess up the mood! Allen stood up from his table, away from his food. He glared at Kanda, who only peered at him from an eye. It was a cold feeling.

"Are you always such a bastard in the early afternoon?" Allen growled, his shoulders stiffening. Kanda jerked his eyes up and clentched his chopsticks again.

"Is it any of your fucking business?" Kanda retorted, looking up at him with fire in his eyes.

"Well, if your going to ruin my lunch, then _yes._ It _is_ my _fucking business!_"

Kanda then sat up, almost knocking over his tea.

"Look, you fucking Beansprout…" Kanda started, veins pulsating through his arms and hands. They both glared at each other, and the room seemed to just blow up in fire. Kanda kept his gaze, and so did Allen.

Then, Kanda backed down.

Lavi stared in disbelief as Kanda closed his eyes, took a deep breath and got out from the table. He grabbed his soba and his tea and began to walk away. Allen was seriously surprised to, since usually all their arguments ended up with a fist fight of some sort or swords and innocence-hands flying everywhere. It was beyond disbelief…beyond any kind of sick or twisted surprise that Cross had ever laid on him. If he could, his eyes could bulge out from his head. Kanda usually would smack him right in the face! _But he didn't!_ Kanda just…_backed down._ His shoulders slouched, his body language calm again…just like some sort of water had just doused the flames that were burning up the whole aura between them. Before Kanda was completely out of sight, he turned around and looked at Allen.

Allen, wide eyed, saw the look in Kanda's eyes. It was like he was..._**sorry.**_ Allen just let his mouth gape. The look wasn't sheepish, but it wasn't sad. It was just a glance, a small, insignificant glance, but that was all it took to amaze Allen. There was no words, no mouthing, but just one, simple look. Allen stared at the deep blue eyes before Kanda turned away and threw his food away, walking out of the cafeteria.

Lenalee growled and finished her food.

"Y'know, you guys might not know, but deep down inside, Kanda is just as good as a person as any of us!" she glared at Allen and Lavi. Allen was still trying to get over the look in Kanda's eyes. Did he just admit…somehow…that he was…_sorry?_ Lavi sheepishly looked at Lenalee.

"Well, Kanda was the one that got angry at _us_." Lavi muttered, playing with his food. Allen still stood there, looking at the place where Kanda stood. He couldn't feel his hands. Time stood still, and so did he. He was still in disbelief. Kanda was…sorry….

"Well, this is all really your fault." She said, addressing Lavi. "You called him by his first name. You _know_ he hates that."

"I'm his best friend! What did you expect?" he said, backing down like when a cat obeyed his master. Lenalee huffed.

Allen was still surprised. Getting ahold of himself, he cleaned up his food without another word and went out of the cafeteria too. He didn't notice Lavi's talking, or Lenalee's questions as he mindlessly went about his business. He walked out, the look on Kanda's face still burning in his thoughts. He didn't smile, didn't frown, but wondered. Why had he done that?

"Allen?" Lenalee called, troubled. Lavi looked at him as he walked away.

"Must be the food." He mumbled, finishing his plate.

Weeks and months had gone by, and more occurrences happened with Kanda again and again. One time, when Allen was alone in the library, he found Kanda in there too, 'reading a book'. He found him staring at him, but then Kanda looked away. He got up and left the place, just tossing the book to the librarian.

In another instance, Allen got a huge gash in his arm at a mission, and Kanda ripped part of his coat to help stop the bleeding. At the time, Allen just thought that Kanda was being realistic, just wanting no casualties so that he could maintain his perfect mission record, but Allen noticed later that the Kanda's whole ripped coat was laying there on his bed. There was a note that said, "Just keep it" that laid on top of it.

And in another instance, Kanda just flat out protected Allen when he was being tossed around by an unexpected, hard-leveled Akuma. Even though Allen could still fight, through his bloody arms and stained white hair, Kanda just shoved him to the floor and handled the Akuma by himself. He muttered something like, "Damn wealking.." but Allen didn't take notice to that.

Allen was starting to get extremely curious. What was with Kanda lately? He was being protective around him, especially around Lenalee, and was beginning to stop fighting with Allen all together. The Black Order never noticed it, but Allen did. Kanda was actually…being _nice._ Allen wasn't sure if he liked it.

One day, on a Sunday afternoon, Allen walked around the Black Order courtyard. It was half inside, half outside. It was filled with flowers and exotic plants, some that he had seen before and some he barley knew even existed. He wondered how the Black Order could afford this, let alone have time to build and maintain it, but Allen came to this place every time he needed to sort something out. For the past months, the only thing that was on his mind was Kanda. The niceness, the protectiveness, the kindness…he didn't know what any of it meant. He came to a flowery carved marble bench and sat down, looking out of the clear glass dome that surrounded it and looked at the bright blue sky. Usually, where he was, it was rainy and cloudy, but somehow today was just perfect. He needed this kind of weather.

Also, there was another thing that he needed to sort out.

Recently, Cross had told him that he was the Fourteenth. Well, not exactly _the_ Fourteenth. His body was a capsule for him to live in, and apparently, it would consume him and he would let loose on everybody and kill them all. As much as Allen didn't want to believe it, Cross was mostly all the time right. He had already seen the mirrors of the Fourteenth, staring back at him evilly with the sadistic smile on his face. No one else could see it, and it creeped Allen out. What was he going to do? Everything in life just suddenly…_didn't make sense._

Suddenly, someone was in the garden. He heard the door open…and then shut, with a locking _click._

He stood up from the bench, looking towards the door. Down the dirt path that lead to the Black Order, and clear in black among the bright colors of flowers and bushes…

Was Kanda, standing there with a determined look on his face.

Allen blushed suddenly. Kanda looked…beautiful. His black hair was up, like it always was, but with the indoor air that blew in the place to keep it cool, it lifted his hair and it swayed to and fro. He wasn't wearing his coat, but he had a black long-sleeve shirt and was wearing the black Black Order pants. His long slender arms were hanging by his sides, and his cool blue eyes were searching the garden. He trailed his glance among the flowers, trees and little ponds. Allen hid behind a bush, grabbing his chest.

It was hotter then when Lenalee talked to him. What was going on? What the hell was _this?!_

"Where the fuck is he…" he heard Kanda mutter, his boots crunching the dirt path. It was growing closer to him when suddenly, it changed paths and he headed west. Allen let out a quiet breath of relief and peeked over the bushes. He needed to get out of here, away from Kanda. Whatever was going on inside of him, he assumed it was a sick acid stomach reaction to Kanda's face, he was now starting to feel a little faint and he needed to get to his room ASAP. But he saw Kanda walk back over to the door…_and sit down._ He smiled, grabbing out the book that he saw Kanda with at the library a month earlier.

"I know he came in," he started, propping his legs on top of a nearby rock. "So the only way is out."

Allen stopped breathing. That…that ..!

He slid back down behind the bushes, holding his throbbing head. Even though the sickness had reached his head and now it was starting to become a pain, there was another pain in the ass! Kanda!

That sick, demented imbecile! What was he trying to do, _corner_ Allen? In a _garden? _He took a deep breath, getting some air into his lungs. He was just getting creepier by the week. …His chest got hotter.

_What do I do now?_ Allen thought, running through his head some escape routes that he learned form being under Cross' care. _Let's see….what did I do when I was trapped in a garden?_

_Oh yeah, that's right. _**I've never been trapped in a closed dome garden before.**

Allen whined while keeping his voice low. What now? He looked around, only seeing the pure, clear glass ahead of him. There was a small clearing in front of him, with a semicircle that was made up of cobblestone rocks. A little fountain was ahead of him, with water trickling out. He stared at the water unknowingly, racking his mind for a solution.

Then, the pain hit his stomach…_hard._ He doubled over, pulling his knees up to his chest and throwing his head back. He gritted his teeth, trying not to scream. It felt like someone was slitting open his stomach and trying to take it inside out. He'd never felt like this before! He gripped his stomach, rocking back and forth to try and quiet himself down. The pain was intensifying! At a time like this!

Finally, he just gave up. The tearing and screeching inside his stomach was clawing through his stomach! He let out a pained moan, shoving his head inside the bush behind him, hoping it would somehow work as a silencer. _Shut up shut up shut up!_ He thought, biting a branch inside the bush.

Confirming his fear, he heard footsteps trotting towards him. He held his stomach, still groaning. _Oh God, he's freaking coming!_ He thought, turning his head to the side. He ended up scratching his pale face. Flinching, he felt a little, itty bitty drop of blood on his cheek. Oh great. Just what he needed.

He heard a chuckle next to him as the footsteps stopped right next to his jerking body. Allen clenched his stomach even harder, since the sickness seemed to expand inside his body. His legs had been kicking up and down, skidding on the ground or kneeing up towards his head that was pushed into a bush. He knew Kanda was next to him when a book slapped the ground, and he heard clothing scrunch like someone was crouching down.

"Beansprout, what the hell are you doing?" Kanda's deep, masculine voice said. Allen growled, his throat becoming dry. His chest was going to burn through his clothes!

Allen didn't answer. Rather, he just tried to calm down his body. It was like it was going into hyper-drive. Somehow, the fact that Kanda was there didn't freak him out anymore. The pain in his body was becoming more important than him. Letting out another groan, he whimpered at he tried to get out from inside the bush. He cried out a little when Kanda helped him by grabbing his shoulder and softly pulling him out, placing a gloved hand atop of his head so that no more branches would cut his face. As soon as he felt his forehead, Kanda flinched away.

"God Allen, your head is on fire!" he spat as Allen positioned himself on the ground. He placed his head on the cobblestone patio and let his head fall back. With his mouth open for air, Allen unzipped his jacket a little to get some heat off of his chest. It was _horrible._ He was sweating like a pig.

"Yo, Allen…"Kanda muttered, looking down at him. He didn't look like he was having fun. Allen's eyes was closed, and his white hair stuck to his face messily. His arms were gripping his chest tightly, and his legs were always repositioning, going from laying flat on the floor to kneeing up. He was groaning in pain, rocking his head from side to side. Even though he needed air, he clenched his teeth from time to time. Kanda stared at him with a blank expression on his face.

"Stop…" Allen whimpered, opening one of his eyes. "…looking at me." He could barley get out the last word without taking another deep breath. Kanda just sighed.

"How can I _not_ look at you…"Kanda whispered under his breath, kneeling down next to Allen. Allen couldn't hear through his ringing ears.

Out of nowhere, Allen felt a cold, bare hand on top of his head. Allen opened his eyes, glancing at Kanda. Holding a glove in his hand, he saw Kanda's arm outstretched toward his face and a hand on top of his forehead. Allen let out a relieved sigh, the coolness of his hand spreading throughout his head. It felt so good, so much that he placed his hot hands on top of Kanda's to keep his hand there. Kanda almost jerked away, but then stayed. Then, another hand was placed on his cheek. Allen gasped, smiling.

Allen said, covering his eyes, "Your hands feel good…" He didn't know what he was saying! He just forgot that Kanda was the one that was holding his head in his hands. The heat that was inside of him raged on, but he just couldn't fathom how great the coolness of someone's cold hands felt on his face. Subconsciously, he kept on smiling.

Kanda just stared at Allen's lips as they moved to make the sentence. But he didn't hear him. He just focused on the heat of the boy's body. He couldn't even imagine the hell what must have been going inside his stomach. Taking his hand off of Allen's cheek, he slowly made way for Allen's neck.

As soon as Kanda's fingertips touched Allen's neck, Allen let out a huge sigh. He held Kanda's hand there as he did his forehead. Kanda took advantage of the situation and placed both hands on Allen's collarbone. Allen shivered while groaning, but not as loud as before. It sort of sounded like he was trying to breathe, or to talk. Kanda tilted his head back, thinking of the opportunity. This was one weird situation to be in. He finally got the chance to hand Allen alone in a room, a _garden_, and he was cooling him down with the ice of his fingertips. Lowering his head, he got a closer look at Allen. His bangs lightly touched Allen's forehead, swaying to and fro. His face was pale, with the same red scar that he had seen over and over again and again. His white, damp hair clinged to his forehead, and his eyes were closed. He let out an accidental cool breath. Stiffening, he instantly wish he could take it back. Soon, he's goanna remember whose the one cooling him down and freak out.

Turns out, soon was coming on quick. Allen shot open his eyes and shot his eyes towards Kanda. Kanda backed his hands away and gloved them, standing up quickly. Allen backed away, leaning on his arms for support. He still couldn't feel his legs, but he backed away so repulsively. Kanda didn't let the notion get to him. He got to see Allen's face…

"Holy crap, what the heck were you doing?!" Allen growled, his eyes wide. He started breathing heavy again. The heat came back, and his head started spinning again.

"Doin' you a favor." Kanda growled in reply, looking condescendingly down towards him. Allen held his head.

"Don't…ever…" his eyes fluttered. "do that…again…"

Allen passed out on the floor, blacking out.

"Oh shit!" Kanda said, rushing to Allen's side.


	2. Friction and the Snow

He felt someone holding him, with broad, tight arms wrapped around his body. One under his leg, another holding his back. He bounced up and down to the pace of someone's walking, their boot heels clicking on the floor. He was delusional, going in and out of consciousness. One moment, he was seeing long, black hair stride along his face, and the next he saw icy cool hands brush along his cheekbone. His head hang backwards as he saw the pillars of marble pass by and the hallways come and go. He was barely breathing, but whoever was holding him was moving fast. Someone caught him looking at them.

"Go back to sleep, hothead." Someone said, their voice barley reaching his ears. His eyes fluttered. The person stopped their walking to a fast pace and took a moment to look at the sweating body that was in their hands. He didn't bother to open his eyes again, and rather just let his head hang back again. He was so tired right now...even the notion of moving made him want to fall back to sleep. So he let his arms hang and swing to the pace of someone's walking feet. The voice continued.

"Here you are…in my arms." They said, slowing down. "How can I control myself…ignore you…when your so obviously apparent to me?" He tilted his head foreword, surprised he got the whole sentence. He didn't regognize the voice. Apparent? Who? To whom was he apparent? Who was holding him?

"Who…what…" he muttered, trying to ask the question. The person stopped completely and leaned their head towards theirs, bringing him up. He whispered quietly in the hush of his breath.

"I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore." He didn't understand. And with that, the person started walking again. The place around him grew extremely dark.

* * *

Kanda laid Allen softly down on the metal table in the Medical's Office. No one was in there- Kanda somehow didn't find that strange, since it was in the middle of the day-, so Kanda just sat next to Allen's huffing, hot, and simply erratic body and watched him breathe. He didn't know _what_ do to with himself. Allen was right there, unconscious. He was right there, in the chair. There was no one in the room- just Allen and himself. Somehow, fate had stuck him right in Allen Walkers direction, on his path of doomed destruction and hurt. Or so he was told. The rumor of the Fourteenth hadn't fazed Kanda, but yet…he was still prepared for the worst that might come. He had placed himself on that dirt path that Allen was making for himself, through the flames and the flowers. He followed his steps, silently reaching out to him. He was blind as he followed. Allen didn't turn around, didn't even notice. As the storm raged on, Kanda fell back, desperately trying to reach the goal.

But then, what _was_ the goal? What _was_ he searching for? Why was he even wandering after Allen in the first place? He knew the answers to these questions…yet pretended like he never even cared. That was his whole persona, though. He never seemed to care. He was always the jerk of the group, always acting nonchalant and bad ass. He liked the role, it fit him well. But ever since he met Allen Walker…

Kanda hid his face as he thought, his lips pressed in a line. Allen never noticed his true nature. In the silent moments of his growling, of his screaming, there was a hint of himself that he always put out…and no one noticed. A hint of his sincerity. He thought Lenalee might of seen it, since he had spent so much time with her, and yet she didn't. He didn't even try with Lavi…he was a lost cause. But somehow, when Allen didn't notice, Kanda urged on to make himself known to him. He wanted Allen to know what he was thinking, how he was feeling, what he was doing… to finally realize his true self. He didn't know why he had stopped fighting with Allen, even though he found him completely annoying. He didn't know why got protective around Lenalee and Allen. Maybe it was the way that Allen stared at Lenalee, with those deep sea blue eyes. He never lost a glance with her, and his face reddened. He yearned for Allen to look at him that way…but unfortunately, Kanda had set his path when he refused to back down that one day when Allen had first arrived to the Order. That stupid, fatal mistake. And all the passion in the world that Kanda had for him now wouldn't change his mindset.

_Passion…_Kanda thought, freezing in his thoughts. _Is that what this is…? Passion?_ He folded his hands together on his crossed legs, staring at his mattered, tough, scarred hands. What would he do with these hands in the future? Hold the one he loved, or continue to hurt them? He blushed, shocked by the thought. He wasn't necessarily a deep person. He tended to come in with the new, out with the old. Take what life gave him.

But…he wanted to take his time with Allen. However long it took for Allen to notice him…to notice his passion…to notice his love…

_Love?!_ Kanda thought, holding his face. _This isn't…oh God._ His mouth started to mouth something, but he couldn't come out with any logical words. He wasn't in _love,_ was he? No, not with _Allen._ He just wanted Allen to notice him. To…care about what he thought.

_Maybe I just want Allen as a friend._ Kanda said, thinking it to see how he would react. Nothing good. He didn't like the thought of friends. _Allen completely irritates me to no end! He's such a stupid, arrogant, self-righteous screwhead! _He glared at Allen's heaving body, and then noticed his hands.

His fingers were twitching, clentching closed. They were sweating, and didn't look at all pleasing to the eye. Kanda held back, trying not to reach out again. He made the mistake in the garden…and Allen passed out.

Then it hit him…was Allen in love…with him? Too?

_Too?!_ Kanda thought, smacking himself mindly. _What do you mean, too?! __**You're not in love with Allen Walker!**_Kanda screamed at himself inside his head. He grit his teeth, slouching in his chair. Stupid feelings. See? This is where wanting something got him. Ruin. Wreck. He didn't even _know_ himself anymore. It was completely, and totally _stupid_ Pssh…being in love with _Allen Walker…_what…nonsense…

Kanda stared at Allen's face. He stared at the profile, tracing the frame of his face with his eyes. Even if he _wasn't_ in love…Allen was beautiful. He didn't tend to think about it, since he was too busy fighting with him all the time, but…now that he was alone and wasn't fighting with Allen…he looked at his cheekbone and traced it along until he saw his pale pink lips. They hung loosely on his face. He traced the upper lip, noticing that it was smaller than the bottom lip, and subconsciously stood up and leaned up over Allen. His shadow tinted his clear, white hair. He stared down at his neck that was sweating like crazy. Suddenly, Kanda started getting Allen out of his Black Order clothes. He grabbed Allen and leaned him up upon himself and carefully took his arms out of the sleeves. Allen leaned up against Kanda's next and breathed hotly, the heat reaching to Kanda's ears. He tilted his head so that he could avoid it. Allen must be so hot right now. _Good that I'm __**oh so nice**__to him._ Kanda's consciousness barked at him, but he ignored it. He just wanted to help Allen. Holding Allen against him, he laid his jacket on the floor. As he laid him back on the metal table, folding up his own jacket as a pillow, he worked on the black leg cape that Allen wore. He unbuckled Allen's belt slowly. Maybe he should just leave this on. Kanda froze for a moment, seeing the smile on Allen's face. Allen was getting cooler. Taking off the over clothes was helping. Kanda felt his forehead with his icy palm again. _Yep. He's still 104.5 degrees._

Kanda closed his eyes and peeked at his conscience.

_Yep. He's still screaming at me._

_I must be doing the right thing._

And he slid off the cape.

As he laid the cape on the ground, he looked at Allen. His black pants and black undershirt were stained with sweat. Kanda screwed his nose. _He might look it, but he doesn't smell it._ Ignoring the thought, he looked toward his hands. They were very pink, to the extent that he could almost see the blood pulsating through his veins. Kanda stared at them while the thought again.

_He's asleep…_he thought, glancing toward his face. Even though Allen's eyes fluttered, he knew that he was completely out of it and that he wasn't going to wake in a long time. He silently took his hand in his and leaned towards Allen's pale, white face.

_Y'know, he _**is**_ asleep._ He leaned in closer, his pony tail falling over his shoulder, hiding his sharp, blushing face. _He'd never know if I…_

With one hand in Allen's, and another coming up to cup his hot face, he leaned in closer and closed the gap. Little space remained at he stared at the details of Allen's face. He made a challenge. _Let's see if I feel anything…when I…_not finishing his thoughts.

His mind went blank as he pressed his icy lips against Allen's. He let go of Allen's hand and supported himself on the metal bed. His lips were so…warm. He pressed harder, tilting his head to fit the frame of Allen's head. His lips with Allen's seem to fit together like nothing he had ever experienced before. He wanted to stay there forever with Allen there in his grasp.

He softly let go, taking a deep breath.

Wobbling away from Allen's unconscious body, he fell into the chair and held his long, black hair away from his face and another on his lips.

_Oh God._ He thought, staring mindlessly at the floor. _I'm in love with Allen Walker._

* * *

Allen woke up quickly, his eyes shooting open. He was breathing hard. Still.

Bringing up his hands to his face, he noticed that they were unbelievingly cold. He rubbed them across his forehead and along his cheeks, and noticed that his face was also cold, too. I…don't have a fever anymore? Allen thought, opening his eyes. He rubbed them, taking a sigh of breath.

"Alley-oop…" Allen muttered, swinging himself up. He froze for a second, waiting for any incoming pain. …

Nope. His back and legs and arms were fine. Nothing wrong with him. Allen furrowed his brows and bit the inside of his cheek. The heck? Wasn't I on the floor in the garden with…

Then it hit him. Kanda! Kanda trapped him in that garden! God, Allen nearly had a heart attack! He flew his head around him, searching for the jerk. Was he in the room? Was he with him? Oh please God, no, no no!

Then, his head took a turn for the worse. He "Gerk!"-ed, and fell back on the table. He hit his jacket with a thud.

"Ooooh…." Allen groaned, holding his temple. "My head…" Guess he was still in for a lot of hurt. That fever that he had, what- yesterday? A couple hours ago?- had him reeling on the ground for mercy. He hardly remembered anything, but only laying on the cobblestones for support and cool hands on his face. Who was that? Was it Kanda?

Nah…It couldn't be Kanda. Allen thought, chuckling in amusement. Of course it wasn't Kanda. How stupid of him to think that. Why would Kanda hold Allen in his hands to help him? What a stupid, stupid…

Then he remembered. It was just a slight memory, but he still remembered. Kanda, close to him…closer than anyone had ever been before in his life. He remembered seeing his chiseled, perfect face before him, cold as ice. His eyes stared at him with such complexity…nothing that he had ever understood before. It was a mixture of impatience, jealousy, worry…and…

No. Not the last one. Please don't think it…Allen thought, frowning.

And…

Love.

Allen blushed, his cold face warming up again. He took a swift breath in, remembered the thought. Kanda really did look perfect. He didn't bother to look at Kanda much. Then, he smacked himself.

What the hell am I thinking?! Allen screamed inside his head, gritting his teeth. _Kanda is a load of shit, and we all know that! He is not perfect in any way whatsoever. Why did I even-_

Then, he remembered something else.

It was something totally unbelievable. _No…_ Allen thought, his face sullen in shock. _No way in hell…_

It almost seemed like a dream to him, but somehow, it seemed to weird and real to be a dream. While he was unconscious, he felt someone…_This sounds ridiculous_…kiss him. Lips against his. Ice against the fire.

_No…that must have been something else_. Allen argued, thinking of some logical conclusion. Maybe…he felt his cold jacket against his face._ No_, he thought. _My jacket is under my head. And I'm pretty sure I was belly up this whole time, seeing as the under my arms are cooler then over._ Well then…maybe there was a slight draft in the room? Allen looked around, seeing the bullet-proof windows and closed-shut doors. Even for a Medical Room, this place didn't have killer air-conditioning. And plus…in the "kiss", he felt breath. He felt someone alive on the other end. He felt…it felt…

Good. The kiss was unbelievable. He felt his lips, trying to bring back the taste. He wanted it again. Even as unfathomable as the idea was, if it was a kiss, he wanted more. Or at least one more.

_What am I thinking…_Allen said, blushing. He shyly covered his mouth, closing his eyes.

Suddenly, someone barged in through the door. Allen sat up quickly, startled. Kanda let his foot down from kicking the door open and a tray in his hands. He didn't notice Allen stare at him as he kick the door back closed and walk towards his bed. Halfway there, he noticed Allen staring at him like someone had shot in the shoulder. Kanda froze.

"You're awake." Kanda managed to spit out, holding the tray with one hand. Allen glanced at the tray.

"Bakanda, what are you doing." Allen said, not bothering to make it a question. Kanda stiffened and looked down at the tray. His heart started thumping madly.

"You look like shit, I can tell you that much." Kanda said nonchalantly. He brushed back his long black hair.

Suddenly, Allen's heart started beating too.


	3. Breathing in Fire, Choking on Air

Kanda stared into Allen's eyes, the stillness of the room silencing him. He almost didn't even want to breathe. Though, he knew that he needed to. Allen was shifting in his place, and was glancing from the tray of food to Kanda's deep blue eyes. Kanda finally stood up straight and peered back at Allen through his black bangs.

"Feel free to start talking whenever you want," Kanda muttered, lowering his arms down to his waist. The glass of water on the tray swished with the movement of his hands. Allen glanced at the water.

There was a short pause before Allen finally decided to speak. His hand was still on his chest, but now, he slid it downwards and it laid in his lap. He looked sideways, staring at the crease of the walls near the floor. _Where two ends meet, and another begins, _he thought suddenly. His face began to feel warm.

"Why are you here," he said, question-less. Kanda regained posture.

"Now, I'm no stupid person, but if I was in your place, I would only_ assume_ as to _why_ I'm here," he tilted his head and gave Allen a condescending look. Allen flared.

"Look, you jerk-" Allen grumbled, grasping his pants. He wasn't so comfortable with Kanda there...with a _tray. _Of _food._ Though- Allen didn't finish.

There was an awkward silence as Kanda waited for the answer. It didn't come. So, Kanda walked over to Allen's beside and softly laid the food down. He didn't bother to get a lot. In fact, the food was meant for him because he had intended to eat it while he watched Allen sleep, but now that he was awake he might as well give it to him. Not that it would have been enough; Allen loved food like a fat kid liked cake..._lots_ of cake.

Kanda was only an elbows length away from Walker. He looked at him, those eyes that he had still so complex. Allen couldn't even describe it. As he looked at his face, the one that was so set on himself so straight-forwardly, he saw another one of Kanda's unexplainable looks. It had worry in it and a bit of concern, but it was hidden behind a mask of sternness and...Allen didn't want to admit it, as other things that had happened in the past few weeks, but it also had a touch of _need_. Like Kanda needed to do something to Allen to make sure of something, to get something done. Allen, in all of one tenths of a second, looked away. Wasn't he going to say something? Even though Kanda had only been looking at him for 15 seconds, it felt like 15 hours.

Allen blushed. Why?

Kanda turned away from Allen and sighed. Allen, finally away from his eyes grasp, glanced at the back of his head. His neck was so strong, and yet so narrow. His long, black hair that he was known for hang patriotically down his back, like how a flag waves in the wind. He stared at his shoulders, which were square, and his arms that were crossed in front of Kanda. He was still in the clothes that he had seen him in the garden: the fitting black, long sleeved shirt and Black Order pants. Allen noticed his gawking and jolted his head to the metal bed across from him. Is that what it was? Gawking?

Allen closed his eyes. _Sadly,_ he thought, focusing on the feeling at the pit of his stomach, _I don't have a problem with that._

_Damn._

"Allen," Kanda said out loud. The way he said it was bold, like he wanted Allen to answer him. So he did.

"What?" Allen sighed, a little piercing. He didn't want to get any more of the warm feeling in his stomach, especially from _Kanda. _He didn't want it! It was weird, and it felt so much more foreign to him that anything that he had ever felt before. Though it felt so comforting and right, he didn't know it and didn't want a part of it. What could possibly be the feeling? Was it hate? Was it repulsiveness? For all he knew, it was a sick reaction. He wanted that feeling, the warm lovely feeling, to only come from Lenalee. Why? Well, because he-

"I've been meaning to talk to you," Kanda said, bold again. Allen clicked out from his thoughts and paid attention to Kanda. _Talk to me?_ He thought, almost smiling. _Oh great, what now? 'I've just got news that I'm going to die tomorrow.', _Allen let out a chuckle. That would have been rich. Kanda was going to confess that he was guilty of some grand offense and then was sentenced to death. Would that make things so much more simple?

"Y'know what," Allen said, like he didn't have a care in the world. "I've been meaning to talk to you too. About the last couple of weeks."

Kanda spun around. Not quickly, but gradually. He crossed his arms again and stared at Allen. He opened his mouth to start to speak before Allen cut him off, taking advantage of the pause.

"The last couple of weeks, more like the last month really, you've been acting really odd."

Kanda stared at him. His eyes were wider than it was, when it was lowered, and he looked at Allen more attentively. _Aha, _Allen thought, smirking inside his head, _I hit something._

"Care to explain why you've been stalking me?"

Kanda gaped. "Stalking?" he growled. His temper was starting to boil. "Heh, do you really thing that I've been stalking you?"

Allen tsked. Kanda gritted his teeth. "Well, of _course! _Though I may not think like your 'uber-superior ways', I'm not a complete _idiot!_" Kanda backed a step away.

"I haven't been stalking you, you ass!" he said under an angry tone. Allen knew that he had hit at least _something._ Kanda was hiding something. He knew it. It was the answer to all the things that were happening in the past months. He _had_ to find out. It would take one more confusion away from his mind, which he needed.

"Yes, you have! In the Library, along the halls, in the cafeteria-"

"- Look, stupid, I've only been sitting with you because my ' table is being repainted, and you _know that._ What would ever give you the _slightest_ idea that I would want to sit with the likes of _you?_"

Allen glowered. "I heard from a certain someone that _you-"_ he smiled, "-issued the table to be repainted."

Kanda stiffened. _Yep. One target down, another hundred to go._ But suddenly, his plan backfired.

"Or is this the other way around?" Kanda growled, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning back. "Have you been following me? I must say, it's been getting _extremely-_" he got right into Allen's face. _"-annoying _lately."

"What? I haven't been following you!" Allen barked, scooting back on the bed. "And with that said, how the hell can it be annoying if I haven't even been following you?"

"Don't even try to hide it Allen, you _want_ something from me! We both know it!"

"I don't want _anything _from you! God, are you insane?" he leaned on his shoulders, just like how he had in the garden. In the position with nowhere to run, and oddly with Kanda right there with the authority.

"You obviously want to tell me something, Walker." Kanda continued, ignoring his comment. "So now that we're alone, with no one in this whole freakin' vicinity," he leaned closer to Allen's face and whispered the last of his sentence. "Say it. Come out with it, _Bean sprout._"

Allen roared and glared at him with fire in his eyes.

"My name is _Allen_ you dolt! _ALLEN WALKER._ Do you not _understand _that _simple _concept?!" He grabbed Kanda's shirt and threw him to the other table. He collapsed onto the table backwards with his back hitting the bed, and quickly regained composure. Allen almost fell off of the bed because of the rage that he saw in Kanda's eyes. As soon as he stood back up, he lunged for Allen's neck and pinned him up against the wall with both his fists screwed tightly around the collar of Allen's shirt. Allen yelped in pain. His head was taking a dive for the worst- especially since Kanda didn't be polite as to _place_ him on the wall- he _slammed_ him.

"Never, _ever_, do that again, you hear me Bean sprout?!" he shouted, right in Allen's face. If Allen didn't know better, he would have thought Kanda was going to chew him up by the way his lips were pulled back over his teeth to reveal his razor sharp canines. He flinched away, Kanda's hot breath swooshing over his cheeks. _Ewww..._ he thought. "I can call you whatever the _heck_ I want, whenever the hell I want, and to who ever the damn I please!" His fists tightened around Allen's shirt, which pressured his neck. _Oh dear- he's doing the choke strategy..._he thought, remembering the past times when they somehow ended up like this in a fight. It always stopped right here, with Kanda throwing him away and storming off. Inside the safeness of his own mind, Allen sighed in relief.

But Kanda didn't let go.

He just stared at Allen with another one, (yet again), of his unexplainable looks. He looked...tranced.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Allen spat, gripping onto the metal bed, his nails digging into the coolness of the metal. Kanda closed his gaping mouth, which was still open from shouting at Allen. His eyes were a bit wide, like before.

"I..." he started to say. He loosened his grip, which was relieving to Allen. But suddenly, it didn't feel so nice, because Kanda was staring at him, still. "I'm..."

Allen suddenly felt chills go down his spine. Kanda was still staring at him with his deep blue, traced, wide eyes and still gripping Allen at the shirt. His face was so close that he could still feel his hot breath against his face. He could feel as much as Kanda's own body heat radiating from his skin because he was so close. His deep blue eyes almost began to trance Allen before he snapped out of it and came back to reality.

"Your heart's beating hard." Kanda muttered, glancing down at Allen's chest. Allen stiffened in embarrassment. Had he felt that? Through his clenched hands? Allen colored up in red as he pretended to look down at his chest too, but was really shading his blushing face with his white hair.

Kanda didn't know what to do with himself. Allen got a sense that he couldn't believe it, like it was the most weirdest thing in the world to be so close to him and have his heart beating hard like his was. He didn't let go of Allen. but rather let his hands rest on Allen's chest while still holding the collar of his shirt. Allen was confused, to say the least. Why didn't Kanda let go of him already? Him being so close to Allen like this, staring at him, and mentioning his own heart beat...it made Allen feel so embarrassed and nervous.

He couldn't think of anything to say to him, because oddly...he didn't want him to push him away. He didn't want Kanda to leave like he always did, muttering the name that Allen hated but still saying it because, well..._Allen hated it._He glanced down at Kanda's bangs that laid loosely over his face. Suddenly, each individual black thread of hair seemed to interest Allen. He'd never seen Kanda's hair up close. Lavi was always tugging on it profusely like it was some sort of bell ringer, but Allen had never cared to glance at it, until now. He noticed that his hair was unusually thin, not like Lenalee's thick, clumpy hair. He noticed how shinier it was than Lenalee's, beside the fact that he washed it with soap. The creases in his head were so perfect, so straight, that it was hard to imagine that he just threw it together because he simply didn't care. Without a thought to back it up, Allen placed his hand atop of Kanda's head and brushed his fingers along Kanda's hair. _Hey, it _is_ silky._ He thought, staring at it.

Kanda jerked his head up, enough to stare at Allen, shocked.

"What are you doing?" Kanda said rather quickly. His voice changed octaves, almost like it was cracking, but Kanda said things so smoothly that Allen couldn't tell. He took of his hand and stared back at Kanda, scared.

"I wasn't...I mean...I" Allen tried to say. He was fumbling with his words so much that he couldn't make a single sentence. _Get yourself together_! A voice screamed inside his head.

"Allen, how can I..." Kanda mumbled softly, behind his silky hair. Allen sat there petrified. "How can I manage myself when you..." Kanda cringed, his fist tightening again around his shirt. Allen could tell that he was biting his lip, holding back the words he wanted to say. His whole body posture was retreating, but he didn't run away. It was like turning away from a scary movie- you look away and hide your face, but you always peek through your fingers to see what was happening. Though- Kanda didn't show any sign of retreating, but rather...he came closer to Allen.

"Allen..." he said, in a crisp voice. As fierce as silence could be, Kanda inched closer to Allen's face, or more importantly, his lips.

Allen was white in shock. He didn't know what to do. He pressed up against the wall with no where to go. Closing his eyes to try to wish himself away, he felt Kanda's breath hovering over his lips. He cringed.

Right as Kanda was centimeters away from Allen's face, a loudspeaker rang with halting, cranking noise.

_! Will Allen Walker and Kanda please report to Head Advisor Komui's office A.S.A.P. I repeat, will Allen Walker and Kanda please report..._

Kanda stayed where he was, stiff and frozen into place. Allen, with his head still backed up against the wall, tilted his head in just the right moment to hear the announcement over the speaker. Kanda stayed there with his hair dangling, frozen like ice.

Allen sighed in relief, closing his eyes to keep away from looking at Kanda's glowering face. He was annoyed. And not only that, Allen could only assume that he was..._embarrassed._Kanda didn't blush, didn't skit away_,_ but rather stayed in place and just stood there, leaning over Allen's body. His eyes were staring at his lips, glaring at them with such rage. Finally, he broke away with a huge leap.

"Damn it all!" Kanda barked, grabbing Mugen and heading towards the infirmary's door. Allen watched Kanda go with wide eyes.

"What the _hell_ was _that?!_" Allen screeched, covering his mouth. Kanda was going to...going to...he didn't even want to admit it! Kanda was going to...kiss him?!

"Just stay the hell away from me, got it?!" Kanda hissed, his voice distressed. He clenched the door-frame with such intensity that Allen thought it might snap under his fingers. "Just...stay the fuck away..."

Allen grabbed his coat that was being used as a pillow, breathing hard. He _was_ going to do that. _Oh my God._ he thought, his face becoming red. _Oh my God, he was going to..._he bit his lip.

"What is _wrong _with you?!" Allen cried, his voice cracking. Of course. Only Kanda has the smooth talking, while Allen cracks under embarrassing pressure.

"Stay the fuck away!" Kanda roared, his voice booming in the room. It echoed, leaving Allen shocked again. He'd never heard Kanda yell so loud, with such meaning behind it. It freaked Allen out as Kanda screamed in anger, thrashing Mugen into the wall until it gave way to a huge hole. He breathed heavily as he turned his back to Allen while holding the door.

"Why do you have to be so damn..." Kanda mumbled angrily under his desperate breathing. "...clueless?" As he walked out of the room, he slammed the door so strongly that cracks zapped up to the ceiling. Allen sat there on the bed, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Yep.

Didn't understand a thing.

* * *

Kanda and Allen sat in Komui's office, both sitting on opposite sides of the blush, red couch. Kanda's legs were crossed, to further the distance, while Allen faced away from him, laying his face in the palm of his hand while his elbow rested on the chair's armrest. Komui could tell that both had them had a really huge fight. They both usually did this when they were angry at each other. Komui sighed in frustration. When were these two idiots going to stop?

"Will the both of you please stop acting like a married couple and act maturely for once?" Komui said aloud, not afraid of Kanda's sudden twitch to grab his sword. Allen jerked his head towards Komui while his hand twitched, his innocence glowing. Komui took a hint and hid behind his desk.

"I-I mean-" Komui stuttered, standing behind his chair. The rage was rapidly growing with each second. Komui smiled sheepishly and grabbed the files. "Anyways"

"There have been some strange occurrences in the East Atlantic region. The complaint states that people have been dieing off of a disease they call "Edmund's Touch". It's been happening activley for over 5 months now, and everyone is severely worried. Edmund, the suspected perpetrator, has been put in solitary confinement about a decade ago, but even still people are still affected by it. The society there is suffering, and the Black Order is interested that it might be the case of some sort of allergic innocence. Any questions?"

Allen raised his hand. "What does "Edmunds Touch" do to the victim?" he asked professionally.

Komui shifted through his papers. "Right, about that..." he finally brought out a red sheet of paper and held it to his eyes. "Right, okay now...The "touch" is a growing virus, not specified, that starts at the specified place of growth, such as an arm, leg, face, neck...it grows towards the heart and then basically splits the heart in two. After the heart stops, though, the person lives on for a couple more months, but eventually "bursts" from the inside out and dies. People, even the victim, doesn't know they're goanna die before they do, when they're splattered all over the floor. Pretty gruesome, I'd say." Allen pondered the thought.

"So basically, it's heart failure?"

"More like someone's heart breaking." Kanda said nonchalantly. Allen glanced at Kanda, surprised by the comment. _Heart...breaking?_ He bit his lip and wondered. _Does he mean anything by that?_Komui nodded his head.

"Yes, like someone's heart breaking. Although, the virus is very strange. The eerie thing about it is that it only happens between lovers."

Both Kanda and Allen piped up. "What do you mean, between lovers?" Kanda said sharply, leaning back in his chair.

Komui continued on. "The virus is only called "Edmund's Touch" because the first victim was Edmund Thully, the supposed perpetrator's, wife. She was pregnant with a child before suddenly, the virus got to her and she died during housework. The society blamed Edmund for it, and therefore they banished him to solitary confinement. Even then, people were still affected. Presently 17 people have died because of it, 11 men and 7 women, all of them connected with a lover. They all suppose that Edmund must have touched someone at one point. I just don't see how he could do it, since he's stuck up in that jail cell."

"So, it's our job to find the source and delete it?" Kanda growled, like usual. Allen shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He was acting like nothing had happened- like everything was back to normal and Kanda was being his own, pissy self. He leaned on his chair again.

"You know the drill. Get the innocence, if there is any." Kanda nodded and left the couch.

"Same shit every week." He grumbled, Allen following close behind him.

* * *

The train ride was bumpy as Kanda stared out the window, the green hills and blue sky whizzing past him like a picture book. Allen sat across from him, uncomfortably playing with his hands. Kanda and himself were in the same cubicle. Together. Was he going to try anything on him? Was he going to try and kiss him like he had in the infirmary? Allen thought of the possibilities while staring at the floor.

"Will you stop acting like a pissy little kid?" Kanda seethed, glaring at him with his usual glare. Allen flinched. Why was he acting normally? It was freaking him out!

He didn't answer, but rather stared at Kanda attentively. He didn't want him to try something tricky. He crossed his legs and looked out of the window too, still keeping him in his peripheral vision.

"Look, you can stop the acting now. It's annoying."

Allen still didn't reply, staring out the window. He didn't want to talk to him. Now that he thought about it, he was mad at Kanda. Really mad. He figured that Kanda would never try to kiss him on purpose, he was just trying to play around with Allen's mind! He was just trying to see what Allen would do, how Allen would react. He grit his teeth. Kanda was up to something. Something no good. He couldn't believe that Kanda would go that far as to embarrass Allen. _That good for nothing..._

"Y'know what, you just go ahead and pout like a spoiled brat." Kanda gruffed, standing up. He grabbed Mugen and held it by his side. Before he could walk out of the cubicle, Allen spoke.

"You think this is fun, don't you?" he murmured, still staring out of the window. He didn't look at him. "You think this is all just some funny joke, huh?"

Kanda turned around, surprised at what Allen said. _Joke?_ Since when was this a _joke?_For all he knew, Allen was just trying to test him. He faced Allen once more and gripped Mugen.

"Since when have I done anything I didn't want to?" he said, lowly. Allen glanced at Kanda, but only caught the back of his cape before he left the room. He sat there, his hand off from his face.

* * *

They scowled the town, Kanda's black golem twirling around his head. For something so annoying, he didn't mind it, but when Tim's golden wings flew across his face he swapped it with his hand and growled.

"Get that stupid thing away from me." He glowered, his leather gloves squeaking as he clenched his hands. Allen frowned.

"It's not my fault that Tim is curious. I don't control what he does."

Kanda sneered. "Well it's _your_golem! _You _own him, so _you_ get him the hell away from me!"

Allen frowned. Flipping out his white gloved hand, he demanded that Tim come towards him and Tim did, landing sheepishly on his fingers. While petting him softly, he glared at Kanda. _I don't even know why I listen to him anymore_. He thought. Suddenly, a blood-stained little girl in a dress came up to him.

"Mister! Mister, please!" she cried, tugging onto his Black Order uniform. It tucked Tim inside his hood and looked down to her. She was crying. Kanda stopped walking and looked to see what was wrong. The little girl held onto Allen's clothing like it was refuge.

"Please Mister, please help my mommy!" she wailed, gripping his cape. He frowned. He knew where this was leading as soon as he noticed her. He placed his gloved hand onto her head and brushed back her hair so that he could see her face. She looked up, red marks under her baggy eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked, in his kindest, softest voice. She cried.

"My mommy...I couldn't help my mommy, and now...!" she dug her face into his clothes. Kanda got sick of the sob-story and came to Allen's side.

"Look, little girl, tell us what's wrong so that we can help you. Otherwise, I'm goanna kick you aside. I got things to do." Allen's mouth gaped as he faced Kanda. How rude! Inhumane! His little girl is crying and all he thinks about is himself! Allen glanced away and looked at the little girl who looked at Kanda like he was a monster. He patted her head.

"Don't listen to the big, fat, idiot. I can help you." he said with a smile. Kanda held back the urge to sock him in the head.

"C-come with me!" the little girl said, grabbing Allen's gloved hand. "Help my mommy!"

Allen followed the girl as Kanda frustratingly followed behind, huffing a huge fit over it. _Why the hell does he have to be so generous?_ he thought, stomping. _That stupid little girl is going to get in the way of our mission. _

Suddenly, he felt something tug at the corner of his mind.

_You're jealous, aren't you._

Kanda chuckled.

_None of your fucking business._

Allen and Kanda arrived at the little girls house, the front porch steps covered in blood. Allen tip-toes over it while in complete awe. He knew these steps were painted white. He saw a but of white color in the un-touched corner that wasn't splattered in blood. The rest was a deep maroon red. Kanda just stomped right through it, his leather black shoes dripping with blood. He didn't even look twice. _Typical. _Allen thought, as he lifted the girl up from the street so that she wouldn't get her nice shoes wet with it. _Disgustingly typical._

As she opened the door and led them inside her house, Allen took a look around to see that the front porch wasn't the only one dripping in blood. It was also the living room, the fireplace, the dining hall, the kitchen...the little girl started to cry again as she walked up the stairs and down the hall. Kanda crossed his arms, annoyed by the journey. There's no point, there's no point, there's no point...He kept on thinking to himself, rolling his eyes every time he had to leap over a pool of blood. Allen kept with his gentleman-ly self and helped the girl reach the door at the end of the hall. When she stood there, she looked at Allen, tears rolling down her face.

"Can you fix my mommy?" she cried, holding the door handle. Allen grasped it in his hands and pulled the door open, revealing a small, shadowed room. Even Kanda flinched when he saw the sight.

There, a woman no older than the age of 30, was laying there on the bed, her chest flapped to the sides to reveal her ribs and her heart brown and shriveled. Blood was dripping at all angles of the bed that she lay on. Even though most was dried up, there was still a trickle dripping off of the corner of the sheet. Allen didn't want to walk in there. The smell was horrifying, but the sight was even worse. This woman had died of the disease that Komui had talked about.. "Edmund's Touch". He noticed that her hand was white and paler than the rest of her blood-stained body. _That's where she must have received it..._he thought, bringing his hand up to his mouth. The little girl looked up to Allen.

"Can you fix her?" she asked again, tugging at his sleeve. "Please say you can fix mommy!" Allen's eyes started to gather up in tears.

Kanda brushed past him, entering the room and surveying the scene. Allen took a brave step and entered the room too, lifting up the little girl and carrying her in his arms. Kanda growled.

"Edmund's Touch." was all he said, bringing out Mugen so that he could move the sheets away from the dead woman. The little girl whimpered.

"But mommy was with me the whole time!" she wailed. "Daddy died a couple months ago. And then Auntie Milly, and Uncle Bo, but mommy was with me the whole time!" she clung onto Allen.

Kanda bit his lip as he thought of the words to say. "Look kid," he started off, tilting the woman's head aside with Mugen and feeling for any source of life. "Your mom's got no life left in her. I would know. Mugen here senses life. And your mother doesn't have any." The little girl stiffened.

"Your wrong!" she screamed, tears bubbling out of her eyes. "Mommy didn't die! Mommy is just sick! She needs your help! Help mommy!" she shook Allen before hitting her head against Allen's shoulder, sobbing in grief. Allen held her as he glared at Kanda for the 15th time that day.

"Nice going, jerk." he mouthed. Kanda twitched.

"What was I going to say? Oh yeah, your mom's fine?" he mouthed back, spitting on the floor. Allen swelled up in rage and grit his teeth.

"Look, little girl-" Allen started to say.

"My name is Chelie." she mumbled through her hics and sobs. Allen rubbed her back.

"Chelie, do you know where you father got the sickness from?"

Chelie bit her lip to try and stop the crying. Allen wiped a tear away. "Daddy's neck was white after he died. Mommy said he deserved it because Daddy was cheating on her...but...Daddy wouldn't cheat on Mommy..." she slumped in sadness. Allen held her.

"The neck, huh?" Kanda muttered, looking towards the woman. He wouldn't dare touch her. Who knows if the blood of the victim might be contagious?

Then, it struck an idea. Kanda swung his face around and looked at Chelie.

"Chelie, how long have you been wearing that dress?" he stared at it, beginning to become in shock.

She sniffed. "I haven't changed out of it. I don't know..."

Kanda roared. "Tell me when! When was the last time you wore something else?!" she backed away from him in Allen's arms. He didn't get what was going on.

"M-maybe 3 weeks...a month?" she stuttered, gripping onto Allen. Allen suddenly caught on.

_Oh no..._

"Why does that have to do with any-" Chelie started to say before she choked mid-way of her sentence. She grasped her chest, and her eyes enlarged like moons. Kanda piveted in his stance and backed away. Allen stared at her in her eyes, afraid about what was going to happen. Kanda braced his Mugen, seeing it from the start.

And suddenly...

Her chest ripped in half, her blood spewed out from her, right from the inside out.

Just like her mother. Dripping in blood...

And all over Allen.


	4. Acid Rain in Summer

Allen stared at the blood as it dripped down his shirt. What used to be the little girl Chelie hung in his hands. Her eyes, pierced and blue, were staring up at Allen like a dead doll. He didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't even blink. He didn't know what was happening until she was there…dead in his arms. Allen stared back at her whitening in horror, not knowing weather or not to hurl right then and there or cry over the loss of a precious, innocent human being. Kanda was the first to react.

"Idiot! Drop it!" he barked, quickly scurrying towards Allen's side and swatting the girl form his hands. Allen dropped her, still in shock. _What just happened…_was the only words surging through his mind. _What just happened…_He suddenly thought of what Kanda just said and thrust his head upwards.

"How _dare_ you?!" he seethed, his white, shocked feelings changing into a fierce angry red. Anger boiled inside of Allen as Kanda didn't twitch at the sound of Allen's unusual ferocity. Allen breathed heavily as he raged. "How _dare_ you call her an _'it'_?!"

"That doesn't matter right now!" he barked again, grabbing Allen's shoulders and pushing him to the door. Allen felt like someone had ran him over with a wagon with the way that Kanda pushed.

"Let go of me, you bastard!" Allen cried, trying to shake off Kanda, but he couldn't. He kicked his legs until finally, Kanda shoved him through the door and into the hallway. When Kanda finally let go, Allen ran into the hallway and fell to the ground, his legs beneath him barley sturdy enough to keep him standing. He held the wall with shaking hands as he tried to keep himself from brawling out onto the floor. _What just happened…what just happened…_He hid his face behind his hair as he tried to valiantly not to cry.

Kanda remained silent as he shut the door behind him. He grabbed Mugen, rubbed off some blood with his safely gloved hand, and looked at Allen, who was on the floor. For a moment, in a split second of his grouchy, hard-faced life, he pitited Allen. He remembered the way that he held her hand as they walked through the alleyways or how he was carrying her carefully through the house. Allen really seemed to care for the girl…and now she…she was…

"Don't talk to me, ever again in my life." Allen muttered through a barley stabled voice. Kanda snapped out of his second of a thought and looked back down at Allen. He was no longer grasping the floor, but sitting up straight and looking at the end of the hall. Kanda shifted in his stance and smirked, behind Allen's turned head.

"Get over it Walker . Anything dead in my book is 'it'. Deal with it and stop crying like a baby." He crossed his arms and closed his eyes. Allen ,he knew, would be throwing his head around shocked and then would come up with some smart thing to say back to him. Then, he would stand up and either scream at him or punch him, or just stare at him evilly until Kanda decided to get out. Then, they would fight the whole mission about the stupid comment, and Kanda would conclude that Allen hated him even more than he did the day before, which would give him complete satisfaction…

_Except for…_Kanda started to think. He bit his lip as he remembered the night he was alone with Allen in the medical office. That one time when he actually let his body do the one thing he thought he'd never stomach himself to do. He tilted his head to the right. _Except for the fact that now…I'm…_

Even though Kanda was lost in his own conclusions, what came next surprised him more. He left his last statement hanging for Allen to make his move but…Allen never made any. Opening his eyes slowly, he saw that Allen was still staring at the end of the hall, his hands palm up in his lap. He seemed dazed, even from the view from behind. Kanda waited a bit more, but Allen still didn't say anything. He actually got irritated. It was like what he said didn't phase him. Like it was never said. He habitually grabbed Mugen and felt his thumb over the top of the hilt. Maybe a surprise attack? He waited some more…and a little more…

…and Allen still said nothing.

Okay. Now it was freaking him out. Allen was sitting there for a good 5 minutes without saying anything. No remarks, no movement, not even any breathing from where he sat.

Kanda then quickly ran around Allen. Had the virus already came to him? Was he okay?! Oh God, was he already dead? He almost lost his footing when he came around to see Allen look curiously up to him. Kanda stood there stiffly and halted. _…He's not dead._ He thought, sulking at the thought that he just over-reacted. It was so out of character for him, it was almost scary. _I can't believe that…_Kanda huffed and looked the other way, throwing back his head in emphasis. Allen was just being a freak to scare him. Idiot.

But in reality, Allen was just thinking about his life. He remembered Chelie's soft breath on his neck, only moments before she died…about five minutes ago. It scared him that something so deadly could happen so quickly to someone so innocent. He was thinking about the rest of his life and how the Fourteenth might use that fear against him. How many lives would go innocently to waste like that for him? Would people perishing in his life be his fate, or would people perishing by his hand be his fate? He thought of the words Cross had said to him, on that fateful day, before he died. Or supposedly died. He knew that Cross wasn't dead, somehow. His master wasn't that easy to kill. Which brought him back about the killing…How much blood would be shed until the nightmare was over?

From seeing Kanda whisk around him so suddenly, so worriedly, only added more confusion to his thoughts. Why did Kanda seem so scared? He saw the fright in his eyes, that cold wide stare, and stared into it deeply. It looked sheepish and curious, but really, Allen was trying to look _into_ Kanda. _Please, tell me what your thinking…_he thought. _Please sort this all out and help me._

After a moment of gazing and silence, Allen finally spoke.

"When is it going to stop?" he asked, this time to Kanda.

Kanda heard the words and waited a moment, thinking about his answer deeply. He knew what Allen was talking about. This wasn't a time to speak in sarcasm. "Whenever it's time." He answered, hoping that would end the conversation.

"Is this all that's open for me? Blood? Is this my fate?"

Kanda stared at the floor dramatically. He let the silence roam while he thought of his answer. Allen was talking about his future. He knew that he had been thinking about it for the last couple of months, considering that his master had told him that he was the Fourteenth and then just died. He could only imagine the hell that he was going through. Kanda had been through pain, suffering, and tragedies all his life, but petty compared to what Allen was going through. It almost seemed like everything was great for him- He finally found the job he was looking for, friends to accompany it, and a home forever…and then suddenly the Fourteenth came into his life. Kanda slipped a hand into his jacket pocket and continued staring at the floor. The coldness of the room was starting to chill him over.

Then, he glanced at Allen. He was shivering on the floor. His head was hung over his shoulders, and his hand was placed on his arm to find the warmth that never seemed to come. His hair was stained in red, along with his white gloves…and even his neck. Kanda realized the hazards and pushed off from the wall that he was leaning on and came over to Allen. Softly placing his hand on Allen's shoulder, he left it there to feel the pulse. _He's still alive, Yu._ He thought, keeping his hand there. Allen lifted his head and turned it around, not enough to look at Kanda in the eye but across to the wall. He closed his eyes and leaned his head towards Kanda's placed hand, which made Kanda self-conscious. _What is he doing, laying on my hand?_ He habitually wanted to immediately take it off, but he left it there out of pure curiosity.

"Y'know, Kanda…I never know what goes on in your mind." Allen started with a desperate voice, keeping his eyes closed. His voice constantly changed octaves as he spoke. Allen didn't realize the logic in the situation. It was almost like he wasn't awake, but rather in a tranced state. He was just so sick and tired of the pain and suffering that was going on around him, he was breaking up from inside. He couldn't hold himself together much longer. So in that hallway, he spoke once more to the man he supposedly hated, open hearted and desperately wandering aimlessly with his words ."I always see you doing rash things, rash gestures, rash speech…" Kanda stared down at him unbelievingly. _God, what's up with him?_ Behind Allen and looking down, he could see that the blood was starting to dry. He needed to get him out of here, now. But what was wrong with him? He seemed so raw with his feelings right now, he didn't want to move him. "But you know what?" Allen continued, almost laughing when he did. "Through all of that fighting and bickering and little tiffs…in the end…I look past the anger and, oddly enough…" He smiled. "I understood you."

Kanda froze.

His heart was beating hard in his chest.

The white feeling at the pit of his stomach roared into a crashing tidal wave, pummeling down through his veins and eventually his heart. He felt frozen in place, like the place where his feet stood would never move like a statue. His heart skipped a beat as Allen sighed into unconsciousness. Only out of reaction did Kanda catch Allen as he limply fell into his arms. As many other things that he'd heard in the past months, he couldn't believe what Allen had just said. _I understood you, _he thought again, Allen's English feminine voice ringing through his head. _I understood you…I understood you…_

Even as the still wet blood creeped onto Kanda's leather jacket, he still stared at Allen with wide eyes. His mouth tasted the blood in the air, but it remained open. He held Allen in his hands, and in that moment, he felt water on his face.

Surprised, he jerked his head up and wiped it away with his clean sleeve.

"God Allen…" he growled, sniffing as he did. "What the fuck are you doing to me…?"

* * *

Swallows chirped on that odd night, swinging through the air like kites in the summer. Kanda carried unconscious Allen on his back, walking through town to find a phone so that he could call Komui. Even though the moment back in Chelie's house was…Kanda tsked. _I can't believe I cried._ …moving, Allen was in a critical condition. Blood was splattered all over him. On his skin. On his arm. On his neck. He needed help from this disease. He wasn't about to let Allen die like this. Not now.

It seemed so stupid how careless Kanda was. He didn't even flinch a muscle to swat that virus-infection of a girl from Allen's hands before she died. He somehow knew it from the start, but his pride got in the way. _Let Allen learn from his own stupid curiousity._ He thought. Now he wish he had done something. Allen might die. He thought about the situation seriously. Allen...dying...He didn't like the sound of it at all. Whenever he thought about those words, he cringed, and somthing inside of him roared ferociously, like it would do whatever it took to make sure that didn't happen. _This must be a side-effect or somthing._ Kanda thought, dismissing the feeling. But in all reality, Kanda was worried. He was extremely worried. He didn't want Allen to die. It was too sudden for him. Allen was so young. Kanda was so lost. He needed Allen. Kanda was just to stubborn to realize that.

Thinking into his thoughts a little more further, he remembered what Komui had said about Edmund's Touch…

"_Yes, like someone's heart breaking. Although, the virus is very strange. The eerie thing about it is that it only happens between lovers"_

Kanda thought about Chelie. She was a small girl, no more than the age of 6, but she certaintly wasn't in _love_ with anyone. _Than again,_ Kanda's sarcastic side started to spit, _You would know **all** about that, huh Kanda?_ He growled to himself. _Shut up you shitty excuse of a conscience._ Getting back to subject, why would Chelie have died? Could she just have been a mistake of a death? A random tragedy? A missed target? Maybe the virus was aiming for someone instead, and accidentally killed her instead. He didn't let the sad feelings creep up onto his personality. He scoffed. _Life happens._

Seeing an inn to his right, he made a sharp turn and walked up the steps alone since he'd seen no one walking along the streets since God knows when. Everyone seemed to have deserted. Opening the door with his free hand, he walked right in to see an old lady manning the front desk. She smiled at first, but then when she saw Allen's unconscious bloody body slung over Kanda, she froze in fear. Her white hair just seemed to get whiter.

"H-how may I he-help you?" she asked in a stuttering old timer's tone.

Kanda reached into his pocket and flipped out his Black Order badge. The women jerked and nodded quickly.

"Oh! Oh! Certaintly, the Black Order! Of course you're here. Oh, oh goodness me, I'm sorry I didn't recognize you at first. How stupid of me! Why, I was just so astonished when I saw that white-haired boy over your shoulder and all bloody! I mean, I could have sworn he looked like he had died like the most of us, but then I thought, why would you be carrying around a dead body? Oh goodness I am so terribly-"

"Woman!" Kanda barked, slamming his hand on the desk. She jumped so quickly her glasses fell off her face. He glared at her with full intensity. "Give me a fucking room. I'm not in the mood to pretend like I care about what you have to say."

Scared and skittish, she quickly grasped a key on the rack next to her and gave it to Kanda. He took it, walking up the wooden steps and left her. Allen's head bobbed as he walked up, and he made sure he didn't bump him into anything. _Why is it I'm always cleaning up after you, you twit?_ He said, glowering in his thoughts. No use to talking. He would just be wasting his breath. It wasn't like Allen could hear what he had to say to be angry over it. Kanda sighed. _I'm thinking too much. My head hurts._

Walking down the hallway and to the left, he opened one of the inn doors and walked inside. Two beds, a bathroom, a window, and a table. Pretty simple. Liking the room already, he walked to one of the beds and kicked off all the sheets. He would need them later. Using his feet, he kicked the clean sheets onto his bed, which he claimed, and sat Allen upright against the wall. He made sure he had used at least one sheet to hold Allen's back so that there wasn't any blood on the wall. Not that he cared, he just didn't want anyone to die from sleeping there. Taking a moment and taking a good deep breath for the first time that day, he thought about what he should do next. _Call Komui, _was the first thing that popped inside his head. He looked around for a phone. None. Great.

Walking down the stairs, he met that woman halfway up. They stared at each other awkwardly as he waited for her to speak. Fidgeting, she began. "Oh, uhm, there's a man on the phone for you."

Kanda perked up.

"Something like…Coo-moo-ee?" she said, trying to sound it out. "So foreign."

Kanda quickly walked down the stairs. He didn't hesitate walking behind the counter and picking up the phone that was lying there, corded to the wall. He held it to his hear and spoke.

"How do you know where I'm staying at?" Kanda asked.

"Kaaandaaa!" Komui squealed. Kanda sighed in distress. Good old Komui. Always kept up his annoying self. "Kanda, buddy, how've you been doing in the East Atlantic ?"

"Shut up and get the point. I have an issue that I need to clean up."

"Ah…Well…" there was a short pause. "That's what I wanted to call you about."

Kanda dismissed the eerie question of how Komui knew where he was. _Guess those Finders were on my tail._ He assumed.

"Allen…" Komui started.

"…is screwed." Kanda finished.

"Yes, yes. I heard what had happened immediately after the fact via golem. How much is he infected with?"

Kanda held the phone in his hands and found himself holding his breath. He furrowed his brows and began to speak. _Weird._

"It got on his neck and hands. Even though they're gloved, he was holding the thing. His hair and chin is pretty much red."

There was yet another pause on the other end of the phone.

"Do you think he might have consumed any?"

"He had his trap shut. Though he might have gasped. There's a good possibility that he might of. He's such a twit."

"Send over a sample of the blood via golem. Looks like you're going to spend a few more weeks there."

Kanda groaned. "God…"

"Oh, and Kanda?" Komui continued. Kanda listened. "Try not to kill Allen faster than he's already dying. He's in a critical state now. That virus is vicious and serious. It won't stop for someone like him. If you throw him the wrong way, it might just kill him. Really."

He sighed. "Yeah, sure."

Just as Kanda was about to hang up the phone, he heard Komui yell 'Wait!' into the receiver. He grudgingly held the phone back up to his hear.

"What."

"I heard that there was something eerie about the situation that you were in. There were no details…could you fill me in?"

Kanda thought for a moment. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He said. "Again." He added.

"Something about a girl."

He immediately perked up. Right. The girl. "Yeah, the victim was a girl. She was little, no more than 6. You said something about love or whatnot…"

Komui hummed on the other side. He was thinking. "Interesting…."

"Are you done? I have a mess to clean up."

"Right, right…but…are you sure she wasn't just a short woman?" Komui asked. The comment annoyed him, but he answered without screaming into the phone.

"No. Absolutely not. Allen could pick her up. Her voice was pre-mature, and she could barley make her height to my hip. She was no doubt a little girl."

Komui cleared his throat on the phone. "Alright then. I'll add that to the records. First child victim. Do you know where she might have gotten if from?"

"Yeah, her dead mother. She was sobbing over it because she died of the disease. Everyone in her family was pushing up daisies too. Not surprised she'd be infected."

"Got it. Thanks."

And the receiver was dead.

Kanda was a little disappointed he couldn't hang up the phone on Komui. Placing it back on the phone box, he walked back up the stairs, past the peeping Tom of an old woman who was zoning in on the conversation,

"Save it." Was all Kanda said as he walked past her,

And went back into their room. Allen was still there, lying against the wall. He rummaged through his pockets until he found scared shivering Timcampy fluttering about. He grabbed it tightly and stared at it.

"Now see here, you little Allen-chibi-twit, I'm goanna get the blood over to the Black Order and you're going to help me do it. Don't give me any fucking problems, got it?"

Timcampy nodded quickly.

"Good. Now get some blood off of Allen."

Tim quickly went towards Allen, rubbed his tail across his neck, and flew towards the window. Kanda opened it and let Tim out.

"Good freakin' riddance." He muttered, seeing it fly off in the distance. He shut the window closed and looked back over to Allen.

"And then there was one."

* * *

Night crept into Kanda and Allen's hotel room as the shadows off the walls began to grow longer. Allen, now clean and 'purified' (as the old woman put it after giving him a short bath), was sleeping soundly and correctly in his sheeted and clean bead. The white of this hair matched with the white sheets on his bed, although Kanda could of sworn he saw a difference. He sat on his claimed bed, across from Allen, and watched his soft breathing as his chest rose up and down. He couldn't help but stare at him and worry. What was going to happen to him now? He was cleaned but…how much blood was…?

He propped his elbow onto his knee and leaned in closer. He'd been out for 7 hours now. And all Kanda could or would do was stare at him. For the most part. He had tried to avert his nervous attention to Mugen, to clean her from hilt to tip, but he just got reminded of Allen again and again and would end up staring at him again. _Creeper…_Kanda thought to himself, criticizing his own habitual actions. Being in love with Allen was weird.

_How is that for you, eh chap?_ Kanda's conscience piped. _You end up loving the boy you hate. Real smart._ Kanda twitched.

_He's a man, not a boy,_ he thought back, folding his hands together across his legs. He looked away from Allen to think.

_Whether he be a man or a boy, he still doesn't care for you. He hates you _just_ as much as you hate him._

He sighed. _I know,_ he answered back, looking down towards his fingers. _But, who said I ever had to explain to him what I thought about him? There's no fucking rule saying that you have to...confess…_Kanda stopped his train of thought and covered his reddening face with his hand.

"This is embarrassing…"he said aloud between clenched teeth.

_I bet it is. Good. Serves you right, you lover-heeled bastard, _the conscience remarked. Kanda lifted his head up from his hand and looked back at Allen.

"Well, what do you want _me_ to do about it? It's not like I can change it."

There was silence.

"Right, because…this fucked feeling won't change, no matter how much I push this brat away. I'm stuck like this."

…_you realize that this idiot will get in the way of your goal, right?_

"Yes."

…_and your okay with that?_

Kanda froze, looking over Allen one last time. His white, silvery hair posed against the pillow beneath him, his pale, clear face sleeping in peace, his round, curved lips breathing with all the calmness of the world...Kanda got up off his bed and sat next to Allen's, propping himself up against the wall. He turned to look at Allen, his head close to his own. Staring at him more closely, he got a moment to think to himself seriously if what he had been thinking over the past two months was really love. There was no drumming heartbeat, as was normal for everybody else. There was no going out of his way to do something for him, because he found it unnecessary. There was no letters, no rescues, no gifts, no conversations…because Allen was capable of doing his own fucking job! All Kanda knew was that he couldn't spend a day without wondering what Allen was doing, or what he was going to fight about with him that day, or wonder about where Allen might be screwing around and not doing his job. He couldn't get him off his mind, and though he hated him, Allen didn't ever say that he wasn't willing to be with him. Sure, he might have said he didn't prefer it, but whenever he did he didn't scream and complain about it. He took his job seriously, as expected of someone in his situation.

But…Allen was different. He was more than just some Fourteenth's body. He was more than just some orphaned child. He was more than just some "Chosen One" or traitor or boy or friend... He was more important than all of those to Kanda.

And that's when Kanda knew.

That he _was_, in fact, in love with Allen Walker.

"I'm insane." Kanda thought, as he got up from where he was sitting and sat on Allen's bed. He put his hand on the metal banister and another over Allen's body as he crept closer to Allen's face. His face wasn't hot as he hovered over Allen's sleeping body peering over his steady breathing. "I'm insane, but...I'm okay with that." He leaned in closer, his bangs dangling over his mesmerized eyes. Closing them, he finally leaned towards Allen's lips and held the back of his head, holding him with intensity.

And all it took to scew up that moment was a surprise knock on the door.

And Lenalee walking right on in.


End file.
